So we’re all on board with being anti-patriarchy. Anti-toxic masculinity. We all understand damage done to us by a world that grooms men to be destructive and aggressive. We understand creating spaces free from that force.

We do a disservice to *all* trans and non-binary people when our response to that is limited to the celebration and prioritization of women and the rejection and hatred of men.

What we create when this is the extent of our response is:

– a space where non-cis people are terrified of their own masculinity and their own relationship to male identity.

– a space where non-women are terrified of their own love for girls.

– a space where EVERYONE is terrified of their own love for boys.

– a space where in order to feel accepted or okay, people must define themselves as related to women.

– a space where in order to talk about gendered oppression, people must define themselves as related to women.

– a space where attraction only feels “wholesome” or “pure” or celebrated at all if it’s attraction between two girls.

– a space where non-binary people are forced to identify with the binary in order to participate in the queer community.

– a space where people’s goodness and badness, purity and toxicity, is measured by how much they look like a girl or like a boy.

Feel free to add your own.

– a space that fosters hostility towards trans guys and men aligned nonbinary people, as well as (and most especially) trans women, for ever experiencing “male privilege” (TERF rhetoric)

– a space that is reductive towards the complex experiences trans people face before discovering the identity, while being closeted, and even while passing, that often involves aspects that are unique to being trans

– a space that forces multiple gendered people to prioritize the woman or feminine aspects of identity even if that may be dysphoria inducing in the name of eradicating internalized misogyny

– a space where gender euphoria when it relates to masculinity is dismissed as privilege, and praised when it relates to femininity

– a space where men are discouraged from ever rectifying any toxic or bad behavior, because don’t you know, they’re evil by nature?

– a space where anyone who’s been hurt by a man is victim-blamed, because sweetie, he’s a man, shouldn’t you have known better?

– a space where traditional, patriarchal femininity is elevated because men are bad, at the expense of anyone who can’t fit that femininity

– a space that can’t come up with any kind of non-toxic masculinity, because masculinity is toxic by default, and therefore contributes absolutely nothing to actually dismantling toxic masculinity.

-a space that tells men they have nothing to contribute (and therefore nothing they need contribute) to dismantling the patriarchy except being quiet and staying out of the way

-a space where cis dudes feel just as terrified of their own masculinity and their own relationship to male identity

-a space where people are discouraged from seeking support from the men in their lives, especially about gender issues

-a space where we know we dislike the status quo, but can’t fully articulate a vision for the future