Regular

tikkitavi:

I’ve been in Guayaquil, Ecuador with my grandparents since 7/21 and they wanna keep me here till 9/28. I wanna go home but I can’t afford a plane ticket. 

I came here under false pretenses – my mother straight up lied. she said that her parents were ‘traveled’, ‘spiritual’, ‘laid-back’, people who sleep in and go to some new café every day.

I believed her. I hadn’t seen my grandparents in 7 years but my grandmother and I talked sometimes. we emailed more often and she seemed like a trendy, sporty, grandma. she was nice enough to me.

more than nice, she was supportive. she and my grandfather paid for my passport and my tickets here. both of them – the bus ticket to the airport and the ticket to fly. she even paid my carry-on fee.

my grandparents aren’t ‘spiritual’, they’re Catholic. they’re not ‘laid-back’, they’re strict. a literal 10-minute cold shower, every other day. breakfast at 8:30 am. no phone, no laptop. (not that I have data here in the first place) I’m not allowed to wear:

  1. skirts
  2. shorts
  3. dresses
  4. overalls
  5. halter tops
  6. tank tops
  7. sneakers
  8. ripped anything

when I do wear these things, I’m breaking an unspoken rule. I’m allowed to wear slacks and blouses. jeans and a t-shirt maybe but I’ve been wearing my grandmother’s clothes mostly. do I need to mention how hot it is here? the AC is banned. so’s the ceiling fans.

my grandparents aren’t ‘trendy’ or ‘sporty’ either. they’re obsessed with what they call health. I’ve taken 3 different medications, a powder, and 2 pills. the second pill is an iron-supplement – I don’t really know what the other one was, I can’t read Spanish.

I cannot absolutely can’t eat:

  1. ‘junk food’
  2. meat
  3. the yolk of an egg
  4. bread, more than once a week
  5. sugar
  6. caffeine
  7. salt

like I said, breakfast is at 8:30, then we get ready for the day and go out. we walk from 10 am till 9, 9:30 pm. then my grandfather finds their car and we go home. we walk all day, every day. no lie. 

I wasn’t lazy before I came here. I swam almost every day, (excluding red week) I did go for a walk every. single. day. I had no car and the nearest thing was a mile away. the grocery store was 4 miles away. I went all the time. there and back – carrying the groceries to. an uber, a lyft, a bus ride, and especially finding a free ride was a rare thing. I just can’t imagine doing all that if you do have a car.

I’m 5′2, when I got here I weighed 123 pounds. my grandparents think that’s ‘fat’ and I’m losing weight because of it. before, I’d wanted to gain 7 pounds and now I’m loosing what I need. I’m exhausted, I’m sore and I’m on my period. my grandmother (who was so nice over the phone and in her emails) gives me one pill a day and 15 minutes with her heating pad. she doesn’t want this pain to, and I quote, “dominate me.” I exercise every day but it doesn’t seem to help my awful cramps. I’ve heard it’s supposed to, but I only feel worse.

they’re not abusive – to me at least – but I want to go home. more than that, I should go home. like, now, if I had my way. my grandmother recently told me that she’s, “Heard of gay people but wouldn’t want one in her family.” I’m a lesbian. I’m a closeted lesbian. I think she knows. 

my grandparents are bigots. I know what they’re really like now; I’ve heard what they have to say about black people, gay people, Jewish people, trans people. the more I argue, the longer I seem to stay. 

my mother won’t get me home, she wants to wait till 9/28. I feel like I’ve been bold-faced lied to and lured here, in a foreign country, away from my friends and girlfriend. to lose weight. to find god. to a finishing school. to pretend to be straight. 

and I have no way home. I don’t have enough money for a flight home. my family isn’t helping, my friends can’t help, and I’m stranded here alone. please, donate like a dollar. actually, reblog this post instead of just liking it. you could cross-post it, idc. 

my cash.me

my paypal

I wanna go home. I miss my girlfriend, I miss my friends, I miss my 2 cats. I have paperwork and responsibilities waiting for me. I can’t keep my landlord waiting. I never should’ve come here without backup.